Ok Guys Im seriously trying to post atleast once a week

I AM dEPRESSED

I'll give you guys the short version atleast i'll try.

Ok I've known this guy jerry for a while but we just became real friends this school year. Im a junior he's a senior. Ever since November we got real close though like i can honestly say hes my bestfriend(well im not to sure now). We really opened up to each other and hes had so many tragedies in his life i just want to be there for him. Well somewhere in that we started having sex. And yea i know im dumb for that cause sex complicates everything. I didn't really like him more than a friend before the sex but after little by little i started to get hooked & now i can say i really do like him.The sex is something special though like AMAZING LOL but then again i only had 2 partners and it was almost 2 years since i had sex. But moving on i know he likes me too but idk lately he's been going mia. Jerry does have an ex girlfriend though, they've been together for 4years so i know theres feelings there.

Honestly im not even asking for a relationship from him cause im not the relationship kinda girl all i really want is my bestfriend back, the jerry i used to know. We don't even have to have sex kiss or anything thats how real it is. We use to hang out everyday but now i barely see him and we barely talk.
I tried to cut him off so many times and when i confronted him with my feelings he told me hes been going through a lot and hes not purposly avoiding me blah blah its a really big essay lol that i still have saved on my phone. That showed me he really does care or else he wouldnt have bothered to write it SO WHY DOESNT HE ACT LIKE IT

i swear im doomed to live alone. i give myself to people so easily. im too nice and im weak. i want to be strong but i dont know how, im hopeless.


ughhh off to sleep to cry as usual